one year later

when it happened, june 12th 2016, i was So Overcome that i just–could not.

i was going to write a little piece on how i felt about the matter, having been alive during the largest mass shooting in the history of the nation (a HATE CRIME of all things), but I Could Not.

it was too much.

it is still too much, seeing as i have been predisposed since february, time having lost all semblance of meaning.


i still exist.

that is important to remember, i think.

the community still exists too.  we were not wiped out by one selfish act of terror, now were we?  no.  we are made far sterner than some would have us think.

i may pose my thoughts on this matter in more detail later as i am barely awake and just half-past dead on the level of feeling, but i want to leave some sort of inspiring word.

despite what the united states government may say, it is still Pride Month.  we celebrate it because of June 28, 1969: the day that started the Stonewall Riots, one of the first demonstrations of our pride.  it was a literal and actual riot, an act of rebellion.  today it feels sorta distilled from those virulent days, but there are still people that do exist that would rather see us dead.

that is beyond sad to me, the fact that there are people that do not know me that want to kill me.  it’s hard to imagine such a feeling.  even I have trouble imagining it.

in spite of all this, i carry on.  i take my pride flag, beginning to be a ratted and torn rectangle of fabric, to events.  i still try to demonstrate, protest, speak my mind in public, and be an activist.  i persist despite what people think or feel.

do you think Marsha P Johnson and Sylvia Rivera cared how people thought when they participated and likely sparked the events at Stonewall?  for the people of their community, perhaps they cared.  they didn’t care about how the police mistreating them felt.  not at all.  and i don’t care either.

i do not care what the dissenters and haters think of me.  you should not care either.

you should be proud of your existence.  you still exist!

this may seem like a rambly diatribe (and it is–i may clarify my thoughts later after being awake longer) but there is still something important here.

the opposition wins when you care what they think and act on it.  do not care what they think.  just be!  be what you want to be, not what they want you to be.

remember the forty-nine that did not have to die because they were being who they wanted to be.  remember them when you march during pride parades and celebrate your individuality.  they would do the same for you if the tables were turned.  trust me.

happy Pride.  we have to look out for each other.