So APPARENTLY there is this thing where like one person will state how they are oppressed and then someone else will be like “lol nope” and showcase their various oppressions in an effort to prove just how much more oppressed they are comparatively and make the other person feel shittier; ego stroking is optional.
This is a bad feel, scoob.
Like, first off, and I am trying to be as eloquent as possible:
what the fuck.
But no, in all seriousness:
what the fucking fuck.
Who died and made it okay to say that “my privilege is shittier than yours so you should feel like shit just like me bwahwahwaaaaa.”? I am so confused.
I guess there are origins in the human need to self-insert ourselves into everything (but really, this is very much likely a post-colonial euro-ethnic thing trying to “civilize” humanity by washing it a paler shade of peach but i’m not a post-colonial critic and never claimed to be).
You see, this is the shit intersectionality (that phrase that you hear so much nowadays in anti-racist and feminist circles) was made for! Call out the people running the fuckin decathalon in the 2016 Oppression Olympics. Cite that their privilege does NOT give them the right to speak up for an entire marginalized! Or, in a more appropriate fashion with the topic, cite that privilege isn’t hierarchical (a thing that intersectionality was also hand-crafted in legalistic circles to do) but rather kyriarchial. There is this overbearing…thing…that seeks to keep those who are oppressed oppressed. If YOU were in a seat of power, wouldn’t it make sense that you want the oppressed to NOT unite and just bicker and fight each other.
So fuckin fight me I don’t care.
But rather, I do care. Don’t fight me, fight the thing that is keeping everybody down. Don’t compete in the Oppression Olympics:
There are no winners.
Okay so this isn’t like some high and mighty all drastic like article or rant or any of the sort; I’m just talking about something that may or may not be near and dear to enby hearts the world over: killing ones name. To kill a name is to stop using it in preference to a new one; the old name is thus dead. You killed it. It’s a dead name, hence the very repetitive term “dead-name”. Dead-names explicitly refer to the birth name of an individual, and these are the names we are taking to the slaughter so to speak. Killing the birth name seems to be a sort of right of passage amongst the “Binary” Trans™ crowd. What do you do when you are a Non-Binary Trans™ individual? That’s what I’m getting on about here.
As some of you splendiferous peoples likely surmised, Violet is not my birth-name. No, mother mine would not have named any of her children, even the cisgender daughter, such a moniker. Does this mean my birth-name (not mentioned for privacy’s sake) is dead?
Not in the explicit sense, nor does it even have to be.
The birth-name in question is still alive as fuck, more because it has uses in my school and my social inability to kill it near my family. Does this make me any less of a Trans™ individual because I can’t kill my name right now?
So are you, if you just happen to be Trans™ and haven’t bothered to kill your name. I mean, you can kill your name if you want. That’s fine too.
Will one such as yourself, random Trans™ person, be ostracized for not killing your name?
That I’m not sure of, since few people know my True Name (even if it remains to be Violet–you can change them, that’s allowed. We’ll talk about that later.). Regardless, it shouldn’t matter what others think. I know that’s a lofty claim since humans are such impressionable creatures and are heavily influenced by exterior forces. No pressure, am I right?
Do not doubt your “Transliness” if your birth name is still the one to go by. If there is anything you can take away from this diatribe, let that be it. Validation is one step closer to appreciation after all.
Go forth and conquer.
-Vynne, the Enraged Enby
Sometimes it can feel difficult when making friends and socializing, especially for a non-binary individual. I personally wouldn’t even think to broach the topic if I weren’t actually at a social event right now feeling so out of place with my colleagues.
Here I am on my phone typing this out.
What a fucking looooooser.
Anyways, it can be avoidable looking like a “loser” and being the sore thumb in the crowd. Be yourself is sometimes not the best advice depending upon the social climate you may be exposed to. Also, socialization for people with social disorders can be almost impossible but doable.
If I were to give any iota of advice, which is ill-advised of me, it would be to seek out people with common interests and talk with them.
They don’t have to be nb, but if you feel that would help the process, seek out an nb buddy.
For those that feel socialization too much, confer with the one-true-friend© and seek counsel. If you don’t have a one-true-friend©, then maybe confer with yourself on this matter on how you’d acquire one. I myself do this when nobody can or will listen. It’s as normal as the world is blue.
If you think this is shitty advice, then go right ahead. I’m terrible at the friend-making process. Why are you asking me? If you also seek an nb buddy, it’s not hard to find my personal blog.
Be well and safe,
Vynne, the Enraged Enby
It’s a very much discussed topic: just how “passing®” am I really? (The “I” in question being any specific non-binary individual with the question in their mind.) It pops up as a footnote in my psyche quite a bit. I have made the arduous efforts of passing as an amab nb, and some of that shit gets tedious. Like the need to eliminate the facial hair (which isn’t necessary at all) or the fucking tucking (which ALSO isn’t necessary either), these are the things I have and attempted to do. There is a certain pain in the need to pass® that just makes the effort all the more uncomfortable. I cannot begin to go through the motions of the afab or the intersex nb individual, so I will not presume to do so; for the sake of all, I will make this as inclusive as a flawed person can. We, as people under the Trans™ umbrella, face the society’s pressure to pass as one way or another. I feel this quite the binarist view on the forefront, and we are anything but binary. There are times where I want to emphasize my more feminine qualities in existence and other times where I wouldn’t necessary say I’m highlighting masculine features, but I am just performing myself as I wish to be.
Passing® is not at all a requirement to be either Trans™ or Non-Binary.
Not at all.
Not even a little bit.
If one physically has trouble tucking or cannot tuck due to medical reasons or the lack of want, then they do not have to. If one cannot bind because the air cannot pass into their lungs and their ribs can buckle, then they do not have to either. Shaving is optional as well. ANY method that a Trans™ individual may use to pass as one form or another is NOT A REQUIREMENT.
Sometimes, even I have trouble wearing the cutest skirt I own when I have no compression on my crotch (not meaning to tmi here), but this is likely because of my fear of the general society viewing me as something to be loathed and made fun of. Many others of us are likely to have this fear.
This is okay.
We must do what we feel is comfortable and only veer off the comfort zones if we give ourselves the REQUIRED CONSENT to do so.
You may Pass® if you want to.
You may just do nothing at all.
You are still valid.
This is the notation on the concept of Passing®.
Take that how you will.
-Vynne, the Enraged Enby